There are those who look back on a string of failed relationships in their life and wonder why it keeps happening to them. Each new relationship starts out with the hopes and promises of something new and wonderful. But somewhere along the way things take an unexpected left turn and the cycle repeats itself – yet again – perhaps for the umpteenth time. What is it you keep doing wrong, or are you destined in some way to keep failing at the love game forever?
If we look at this from an energetic perspective, the syndrome of failed romantic relationships follows a distinctive five-stage pattern, all of which are governed by the Law of Attraction.
The Attraction Stage
When you first meet the new love of your life you are putting out energy that says you are receptive to a new relationship. You are, if you like, acting as a beacon to anyone who feels the same way. But, and this is a big but, you can only attract someone who vibrates within your energetic range. The Law of Attraction only matches like with like, so when you feel that “spark” between you both, it is absolutely certain that you are a vibrational match to the other person. It cannot be otherwise.
That “spark” you feel with the initial attraction is the attachment of an energetic cord between your 2nd chakra and his/hers that will remain there for the duration of the relationship. It’s like an energetic highway connecting you both, through which you exchange energy and bonding; and it connects the two of you whether you are in the same room or separated by half a world.
As you get to know each other in the early stage of the relationship, you discover many things in common. You both like tennis, walks in the park, have the same sense of humor etc. These common interests and attitudes all have their own resonant vibration, thought patterns and emotions that allow you to be compatible energetically. That’s why e-Harmony works so well.
But there is one aspect of your vibrational makeup that stays hidden beneath the surface, and those are your wounds – your issues of unworthiness, judgment, betrayal, sexuality, abandonment, wounded inner children and the like; which are, as yet, unresolved. So add one more to your list of compatibilities. You are also bonded to your new partner by your unresolved issues.
The Euphoria Stage
Commonly referred to as the honeymoon, both parties devote enormous attention to each other and their future possibilities together. Again, the Law of Attraction applies, because what we give our attention to becomes bigger in our lives. The 2nd chakra energetic cord between the lovers gets thicker allowing increased energy to flow. The relationship has taken hold into something more “permanent.” But we also need to understand that this stage is euphoric, and to some degree, unreal. Passions run high as the love sets in and each partner keeps projecting their image in the most favorable light. This becomes a veneer on our personality that we want the other to see and accept, but it cannot be sustained forever. Sooner or later your guard mechanism is dropped and the real you will come out.
Returning to Normal Stage
However important your partner may be in your life, your new relationship cannot occupy one hundred percent of your attention. We are all committed to the business of living, so the euphoria of the honeymoon tones down as your new partner fits into your daily routine, hopefully in a loving and positive way. Moving in together accelerates the process of normalization as your comfort level in the partnership allows more of the real you to emerge. Finally, the veneer is dropped altogether.
This is a pivotal point where the relationship will either deepen into a wonderful, long term experience, or head down a slippery slope to failure: the deciding factor being the unresolved issues you both unwittingly brought to the table in the first place.
In a relationship that is destined to fail this stage ends in disillusionment and disappointment as more of the other person’s “faults” float to the surface. Somehow he/she isn’t quite what we expected as unacceptable behavior creeps into the partnership. “I didn’t know he had such a temper,” or “I’m feeling too controlled,” or any one of a hundred issues pass between you and widen a gap that used to be inseparable.
Our wounds are screaming to be resolved and there is no better environment than a one-on-one relationship to bring them into the light for healing. Unfortunately, we are often more focused on the faults of our partner than understanding one critical fact: our partner – albeit unknowingly – is holding up a mirror to our own issues. We have attracted this behavior into our life for the purpose of resolving our wounds; but all too often we refuse to look inside at our own stuff. Instead, we look outside of ourselves to the faults of others – a place from which our issues cannot be healed.
The Conflict Stage
We live in a world of contrast where disagreement is a way of life. We cannot, nor should not, agree with all our partner has to offer. That’s how we grow and expand our world. But what is important, is how the conflict gets handled.
In a positive, long term relationship conflicts never become spiteful. The couple may disagree on this or that, even angrily, but there is never an intention to deliberately hurt the other person. Personal attacks are never part of the equation and after a cooling off period, forgiveness is the order of the day. Compassion and understanding, together with a genuine love for the other person will always win out in the end no matter what the issue might have been.
Your one-on-one relationship is a 2nd chakra experience, by definition. The negative side of this energy centre includes issues of control, betrayal, dysfunctional sexuality, money (yes money!) and wounded inner children. When conflict arises in a relationship destined for failure, these issues surface in abundance. Your 2nd chakra is also known as your centre of weaponry, so fighting from its shadow side can turn vicious and nasty. Personal put-downs are a special feature as the
incredible passion of this chakra is used to deliberately hurt the other person. When conflict becomes a repeating pattern the inevitable outcome is for the couple to eventually separate.
The Separation Stage
The energetic cords that grew and flourished in the early stages of the relationship will remain until the couple is finally done with each other. Being “done” means that neither of them gives any more attention to the failed relationship whatsoever. This is rarely the case during the separation stage which often entails e-mailing about it, blogging, telling family and friends how bad the partner was to you and/or getting ready for that messy divorce.
What we need to realize is that the more attention the failed relationship is given, the greater flow of energy leaves our bodies through our 2nd chakra centre. What we resist will persist. It can literally drain us of vital energy and lead to a pathology over the long term.
But the saddest part of this scenario is not the failure of the relationship, but the failure of the couple to recognize the priceless gem they had within their grasp. A repeating pattern of failed relationships is not about the other person at all. It is about the endless opportunities to heal that were allowed to slip by, while the couple were intent on blaming each other for the failure and ignoring the opportunity to heal a lifetime of issues.
The Law of Attraction is relentless and always present. As one relationship bites the dust another will eventually take its place. As the new spark takes hold, you’ll look into another pair of eyes and be delighted that he/she also likes tennis, walks in the park and shares your wonderful sense of humor …
The Angels can only wait patiently and smile.